In my follow up to “fly too much” I felt it’s necessary to point out that as a frequent flyer we see a lot of idiotic things.
I will give the benefit of the doubt to people who have either never flown or been in an airport or those who are only fly once a year, but the rest of the flying population are always providing me with ammunition for my case that people are dumb and in some circumstances self absorbed and bloody stupid.
Top 10 ways you show me you are dumb, idiotic or just self absorbed:
1. When you are told to remove all metal items for the x-ray machine, that includes the coins in your pocket, your belt with the big honking rodeo champion belt buckle and the 27 bangles on your wrist.
2. When the gate agent says there are no available upgrade seats on the flight you throw in one of my favourites: “don’t you know who I am”
3. When the gate agent calls first class passengers only to board and 120 people all get in line to board. Trust me honey. If you had a first class ticket you would know about it. Sit the heck down til she calls group 4.
5. When you can’t slam, push, force the overhead bin door to close – it means your bag is too big.
6. When you board late and there’s no room in the over head bin, you take someone else’s bag out to fit yours in. – it means you are an arse hole. (and your bag is probably too big)
7. When you are the only one still using your phone as the plane pushes away from the gate, because the rules don’t apply to you – it means you are an arsehole….it also means you are making my fiancé freak out thinking your actions will cause the plane to crash in a fiery ball of flames. So, still a self absorbed arsehole.
8. When the pilot has the seat belt sign on and you think it applies to everyone but you. Sit the heck down.
9. When you allow your kids to kick the back of the seats, pull passengers hair, run up and down the aisle and throw toys at other passengers or, worse still, let your kid throw drinks over other passengers lap tops (uh huh I am speaking from experience). Control your kids. Please.
10. Snoring, farting, belching, spitting, stinking…. If your wife or girlfriend won’t put up with it why do you think I should. If you can’t get a wife or a girlfriend- think about it buddy. The clues are there.
So if you see yourself in any of my top 10, a word to the not so wise, take note and make flying a happier experience for us all.
Let me know your top flying pet peeves.
Together we can clean up the skies one dumb ass at a time.
For further reading – The Lonely Planet – How not to behave on a plane – A passenger’s Bill of Rights: